The Essential Valentine's Day Post
According to Hallmark, love is in the air (hear that? Love, not kisses, are in the air!)
Women, in particular, take a variety of positions on the testy topic of Valentine's Day. Some find it exasperating, taking the position that it's an overly-commercialism holiday destined to make singles miserable. Others are petulant or contemptuous, dealing out sarcastic comments and acerbic scorn. And some women are hopeful for future relationships. But what does Valentine's Day really do? It's supposed to give people a chance to express love and appreciation to people they care about.
I agree that it's Valentine's Day is over-commercialized. And I wouldn't even complain if someone showed up here (randomly) with flowers, chocolates etc. I don't think people should need a day to be nice to people they love, but since it's been designated as a day for couples, everyone should make the best of it.
People that are single on Valentine's day tend to lament that fact, and wish for some sort of relationship. However, there are many married couples out there who will happily point out that single people don't need to live with someone else's annoying quirks, messy habits, or irritating family members. In rebuttal we offer arguments such as: if you died someone would actually notice; if you're sick, there's someone to cook for you (or at least buy you chicken soup); and there's always someone who's legally required to be there for you.
So yes, sometimes married people envy the freedom and carefree days that singles enjoy. And sometimes single people envy the stability and comfort offered by the long-term relationships. And yes, as Christie (2006) points out, singles would switch with them in a second, but it's doubtful if they would actually switch with us. So the grass really is greener on the other side of the fence - maybe not all the time (such as when you have a really attentive husband, or a good date, for married types and single types respectively), but at least once in a while.
So what's the point? Well, married or single, for better or worse, Valentine's Day exists in all of it's hallmark glory and we should make the best of it. Tell someone (anyone) that you appreciate them and you care about them. Be specific, and maybe give them some cinnamon hearts or flowers. However, watch out for the less than classy bouquets.
The absolute worst line I saw was for a flower delivery service, which offered the following line attached to a Valentine's Day bouquet: "I have a heart on for you". (shudder) There were children in this flower store! Can you imagine the misguided individual who thinks this is a sexy thing to send to his poor girlfriend?
In other helpful points:
-do not ask a women out for valentine's day if it's a first date, and you're asking less than 24 hours in advance. You look desperate and then she's creeped out and thinking that her cat would be a better date (inspired by a true story).
-if you're recently singled, you will recover eventually. Feel free to indulge in whatever you need including: Ben & Jerry's (I recommend Cherry Garcia), sappy movies, bitter calls to friends, or the whole write a letter and don't mail it thing (stay away from email - you can have a horrible situation with the accidental hitting of 'send'). But never, EVER drink and dial!
-do not whine about how you hate that you're expected to buy flowers just because it's valentine's day. Suck it up - at least you have a date! And take heart, if you were dating me, you'd be expected to show up with flowers more than once a year.
-and finally, if you have some sort of actual relationship situation, make sure you tell the other person that you care about them (but not using any type of Heart On language).
Women, in particular, take a variety of positions on the testy topic of Valentine's Day. Some find it exasperating, taking the position that it's an overly-commercialism holiday destined to make singles miserable. Others are petulant or contemptuous, dealing out sarcastic comments and acerbic scorn. And some women are hopeful for future relationships. But what does Valentine's Day really do? It's supposed to give people a chance to express love and appreciation to people they care about.
I agree that it's Valentine's Day is over-commercialized. And I wouldn't even complain if someone showed up here (randomly) with flowers, chocolates etc. I don't think people should need a day to be nice to people they love, but since it's been designated as a day for couples, everyone should make the best of it.
People that are single on Valentine's day tend to lament that fact, and wish for some sort of relationship. However, there are many married couples out there who will happily point out that single people don't need to live with someone else's annoying quirks, messy habits, or irritating family members. In rebuttal we offer arguments such as: if you died someone would actually notice; if you're sick, there's someone to cook for you (or at least buy you chicken soup); and there's always someone who's legally required to be there for you.
So yes, sometimes married people envy the freedom and carefree days that singles enjoy. And sometimes single people envy the stability and comfort offered by the long-term relationships. And yes, as Christie (2006) points out, singles would switch with them in a second, but it's doubtful if they would actually switch with us. So the grass really is greener on the other side of the fence - maybe not all the time (such as when you have a really attentive husband, or a good date, for married types and single types respectively), but at least once in a while.
So what's the point? Well, married or single, for better or worse, Valentine's Day exists in all of it's hallmark glory and we should make the best of it. Tell someone (anyone) that you appreciate them and you care about them. Be specific, and maybe give them some cinnamon hearts or flowers. However, watch out for the less than classy bouquets.
The absolute worst line I saw was for a flower delivery service, which offered the following line attached to a Valentine's Day bouquet: "I have a heart on for you". (shudder) There were children in this flower store! Can you imagine the misguided individual who thinks this is a sexy thing to send to his poor girlfriend?
In other helpful points:
-do not ask a women out for valentine's day if it's a first date, and you're asking less than 24 hours in advance. You look desperate and then she's creeped out and thinking that her cat would be a better date (inspired by a true story).
-single women do things in packs (ever seen just one go to the bathroom?). So if it's National Couples Day (aka Valentine's Day), it's likely that you'll see women out together enjoying "freedom". Go ahead, hit on one of them. If they're out with the girls, they're single. But don't expect too much, as they never leave their wingmen and you will go home alone.
-if you're recently singled, you will recover eventually. Feel free to indulge in whatever you need including: Ben & Jerry's (I recommend Cherry Garcia), sappy movies, bitter calls to friends, or the whole write a letter and don't mail it thing (stay away from email - you can have a horrible situation with the accidental hitting of 'send'). But never, EVER drink and dial!
-do not whine about how you hate that you're expected to buy flowers just because it's valentine's day. Suck it up - at least you have a date! And take heart, if you were dating me, you'd be expected to show up with flowers more than once a year.
-and finally, if you have some sort of actual relationship situation, make sure you tell the other person that you care about them (but not using any type of Heart On language).
posted by Lisa at
8:54 p.m.
3 Comments:
I would like to add a married persons perspective to this rant of the single person... I do appreciate that you've tried to show that us married people do not have it all as flowers, peaches and cream, however, there is definitely an upside to the married V-day. As a married person, when dear husband and I are at home on V-day, eating Oliveri pasta because neither of us is inspired to cook, sitting on the couch watching the Olympics, when I fall asleep due to extreme exhaustion and dear husband puts me to bed at EIGHT O'CLOCK in the evening I do not feel compelled to appologize for not being the bright, sparkling, sexy date that many single people are expected to be or expecting to be with on such an occasion. [Appologies for the run on sentence - can't be bothered editing it, so deal with it!] So yes, while us married people do have to live with each others annoying habits, we also have the luxury of not having to fake it for the ones that we love. They know us, and yet they love us anyway. That's why we married them!
By
Anonymous, at 9:19 a.m.
See, my issue isn't necessarily with V-Day itself. My issue is with how some people react to V-Day. Now, it's great that your husband/boyfriend/secret alien lover/whatever likes you enough to drop 50+ bucks on some roses. That's fabulous. But do you really have to put them on the highest point of your cube (that mind you, sits at the major traffic point of the entire office), so the entire world has to see them, every time they walk past to pee, to make a copy, to get a cup of coffee? Is it really necessary to rub it in our single faces that you’re not?
And those people who don't appreciate a joke about the day annoy me as well. Now, I have a friend who throws the St. Valentine’s Day Martini Massacre every year. It’s a party. No, wait. It’s a PARTY. Debauchery, drunkenness, nudity – in varying degrees and forms. One of the fun things about this party is I always wore black (fun for me, because I could wear some sort of sexy, black dress in February to a great party). Every guest is single, cause you’re not allowed to attend if you’re in a relationship, and if you’re not single, you already have someone to noodle with in the dark and you don’t need any help. But, I digress. I’ve taken that little black dress tradition and turned it into a black tradition. I guess it’s become a statement on the status of my love life.
Anyway, I came to work yesterday (having warned a friend about my gallows humor) dressed in black slacks, a black turtleneck sweater, and my black boots (F-me boots or bitch boots, depending on how I’m feeling….you know the type). I don’t think I stuck out, but maybe. I couldn’t have stuck out too much, given that we had red silk shirts (with gold chains and a little chest hair, mind you), red sweaters with cute little white hearts all over, and a variety of other RED things. One person in the office commented. “All black, huh?” was what I heard. I understand from the same friend that I had warned, that my attire was the topic of conversation for some folks at lunch. Now, on any other day, my attire wouldn’t have rated so much as a fleeting thought. But yesterday, just another day (at least that’s what couples tell single people to make them feel better about being single on V-day), it merited a comment from a director in my company, and conversation over lunch.
Why is that? What is it about someone wearing all black that brings secretive comment? Nuns and priests do it, movie stars do it. Was it just that I chose to wear it on V-Day?
Black is slimming. Maybe I was having a fat day and wanted to look thinner for a prospective date that night. Maybe I was making a silly, juvenile comment about the over-commercialization of a saint’s feast day. Maybe I was just being me.
Love me. For who I am and for the statement I wanted to make. Isn’t that what Valentine’s Day is about – love?
By
Anonymous, at 4:12 p.m.
Your friends love you. You're fabulous and I think it's clear that your co-workers thought you were making a statement. However, it's not like you wore a sign with "I hate V-Day", so the reaction was a bit much.
And for the record, you are clearly neither a priest nor a nun, but your alien lover might like you in black. Let me know how that works out.
By
Lisa, at 4:20 p.m.
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