Weird News
I've been trolling for news updates this morning, and in addition to CTV and local news, I've come across some very strange news articles. Here are some highlights:
Regarding Animals
1) In Australia (of course) a giant snake has taken over a house . The 6 meter scrub python snake and its 3 meter mate have been living in the roof of a house in Queensland. First, I suspect that the house isn't zoned for a suite in the rafter area; second, the snakes have refused to pay rent; and third, the guy is a bit freaked out. The big concern is that the larger snake, believed to weigh up to 100 kg, may fall through the roof. Spectacular.
2) In other snake news, one of the most poisonous snakes in the world gave birth to 35 babies. The Russell's viper snake is deadlier than the cobra, and thankfully these ones live in India.
3) A vicious squirrel mauled a woman and left her covered with blood and in a state of shock (in the US obviously - a Canadian squirrel would have said please first and thank-you after, and perhaps offered a bandaid). The best part? According to a Squirrel Expert, "this was probably just a particularly hormonal squirrel". Can you give a squirrel tiny Midol tablets?
I'm not sure how this woman felt about squirrels before the attack, but I guess she's not crazy about them now. After all, a squirrel is just a rat with a cuter outfit (Bradshaw, 2002).
Stupid People News
1) Yes officer, it was the coke, not the rum that caused the accident. A driver consumed 1.5 litres of Coke, including three "free pour" rum drinks, and claimed that the hit and run that killed a 15 year old boy was caused by the sugar in the Coke. Sure it was - maybe you switch to Diet Coke in Prison? I can't believe this happened in Canada - it seems so very American.
2) You've heard of dance-a-thons, and run-a-thons, and all sorts of a-thons. But here's a new and horrifying twist on an old classic: A masturbate-a-thon. Participants, who have to be over 18, can bring any aids they need and according to the website, "The amount you raise will be determined by how many minutes you masturbate and/or how many orgasms you achieve". And religious groups are a bit upset you say? I'm shocked. Seriously, who does this type of thing? Creepy.
3) Ahh, and they say families aren't spending enough "quality time" together these days. Well, one family apparently subscribes to the saying "families who steal together, stay together". A mother and grandmother gave their two small children instructions to pocket thousands of dollars of jewellery; the mother scoped it out, the kids stole it, and the grandmother stuffed it down her shirt.
I hope they steal enough to pay for the therapy these kids will need in a couple of years. And my parents only used to take me to the museum and zoo and such. Damn.
Regarding Animals
1) In Australia (of course) a giant snake has taken over a house . The 6 meter scrub python snake and its 3 meter mate have been living in the roof of a house in Queensland. First, I suspect that the house isn't zoned for a suite in the rafter area; second, the snakes have refused to pay rent; and third, the guy is a bit freaked out. The big concern is that the larger snake, believed to weigh up to 100 kg, may fall through the roof. Spectacular.
2) In other snake news, one of the most poisonous snakes in the world gave birth to 35 babies. The Russell's viper snake is deadlier than the cobra, and thankfully these ones live in India.
3) A vicious squirrel mauled a woman and left her covered with blood and in a state of shock (in the US obviously - a Canadian squirrel would have said please first and thank-you after, and perhaps offered a bandaid). The best part? According to a Squirrel Expert, "this was probably just a particularly hormonal squirrel". Can you give a squirrel tiny Midol tablets?
I'm not sure how this woman felt about squirrels before the attack, but I guess she's not crazy about them now. After all, a squirrel is just a rat with a cuter outfit (Bradshaw, 2002).
Stupid People News
1) Yes officer, it was the coke, not the rum that caused the accident. A driver consumed 1.5 litres of Coke, including three "free pour" rum drinks, and claimed that the hit and run that killed a 15 year old boy was caused by the sugar in the Coke. Sure it was - maybe you switch to Diet Coke in Prison? I can't believe this happened in Canada - it seems so very American.
2) You've heard of dance-a-thons, and run-a-thons, and all sorts of a-thons. But here's a new and horrifying twist on an old classic: A masturbate-a-thon. Participants, who have to be over 18, can bring any aids they need and according to the website, "The amount you raise will be determined by how many minutes you masturbate and/or how many orgasms you achieve". And religious groups are a bit upset you say? I'm shocked. Seriously, who does this type of thing? Creepy.
3) Ahh, and they say families aren't spending enough "quality time" together these days. Well, one family apparently subscribes to the saying "families who steal together, stay together". A mother and grandmother gave their two small children instructions to pocket thousands of dollars of jewellery; the mother scoped it out, the kids stole it, and the grandmother stuffed it down her shirt.
I hope they steal enough to pay for the therapy these kids will need in a couple of years. And my parents only used to take me to the museum and zoo and such. Damn.
posted by Lisa at
2:34 p.m.
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